Nerd Rants

Five Video Games

2009-12-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

I don't do a whole lot over Christmas break. I sleep, I eat, I occasionally fight ninjas, but, really, I just putter around on the computer, honestly doing nothing with my life.

So I've decided to revisit some of the greatest games of my life, enjoy them all over again and be totally happy.

I've taken some suggestions, combined with my own personal interests, and have decided on five games that I love, and own, and will play again for my own personal enjoyment.

I will also update this blog every couple of days with my progress, but I have roughly two weeks or so to beat all five games. None of them are incredibly lengthy, but I've got several games on backup, so I might, ideally, end up getting a whole bunch of goodness played through.

Game 1: Psychonauts
Tim Schafer's return was this little bought but incredibly lauded game that placed players in the shoes of Raz, a psychic child, as he saves a summer camp full of ridiculous characters.

The writing is great, the gameplay is always changing and enjoyable and there is an entire level devoted to beating up girl scouts and finding a milkman.

Heavy.

Game 2: Super Mario World
The game that epitomizes Mario for so many people does just that for me as well. Playing through this game so many times has also taught me the life lesson that life is, at best, fleeting.

Think about it? One slip, death. Most enemies take only a hit to die. The bosses usually only have to be hit three times. It is so hectic that sometimes you're not sure what you're doing until you've done it. It is a game that has you relying on instinct more often then not.

Also, Yoshi!

Game 3: Shadow of the Colossus
Epic, grandiose, overwhelming, beautiful.

All these words can define team Ico's masterpiece, and I plan on feeling all these ways in this game as I murder giant stone men. And I mean murder. These things usually weren't asking for it, but, boy, do you give it to them. Serves them right for having those glowing weak spots.

I actually don't remember beating this game. I'm pretty sure I did, but, for some reason, the ending simply didn't stick with me. I remember moments where the colossi came to life, sure, but not actually what happened once I stopped all of them.

Maybe I'll just bring it back to Morgantown with me in case I forget again.

Game 4: Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
I'll admit, peer pressure is the reason I bought this game.

And being an easily scared child is why it took me so long to beat it. Giant bugs, shadow hands that grab you and take you back to the beginning, chicks crossdressing, it all scared me. But, eventually, I decided that I should beat this game. I had beaten previous Zelda's, why not this one?

And I did. Again, and again. While I haven't played this game in close to five years, I still remember heavy checks of it. God, Ruto just came back to me. Any chance I can skip that temple?

Didn't think so.

Game 5: Half-Life 2, plus the chapters.
Gordon Freeman should be the biggest scientist role-model out there. World saver, apparently well trained in fire-arms, crowbar lover, all of these are good factors that make Gordon Freeman a good guy.

And he does it again and again and again. I've actually only beaten Half-Life 2 without beating the chapters, but I really want to. This should definitely give me the drive to go ahead and do it.

Also, Alyx Vance? Total hottie.

Pinch Hitters
Chrono Trigger - Super awesome RPG with a lot to do, but because of this it also takes a long time to beat, so, I feel like this game deserves to be actually played unless I can devote time to every aspect. Once I beat one of the top 5 though, it'll be the first one on the docket.

Knights of the Old Republic - Jedi are awesome. They are even awesomer when George Lucas isn't mucking them up. So, 4,000 years ago, you have just that. Wookiees, Sith and Rancors all add up to make this perhaps the greatest Star Wars game released.

Kingdom Hearts - Disney is awesome. Final Fantasy is awesome. Combine them and the results are quite enjoyable. Probably the best game in the series and, honestly, not too long of a game, as most sidequests are kind of ignorable. Also, focused more on Disney and less on effeminate-looking dudes, thankfully.

So, yeah, this is the planned list for Christmas Break. I'll start them pretty soon and feel that I can finish most of these before I go back to Morgantown on the sixth. Only time will tell.

I'm going to be gay for the next thirty minutes

2009-12-20T08:48:00.001-08:00

Some of you may argue that I'm pretty gay most of the time.

Well played.

But, since I have the free time and don't really have to write anything for anybody, I figured now would be as good a time as any to give you guys a two-fer. Something I'm passionate about and an update.

The topic is something that many people have debated, especially drunk buddies who are comfortable with their sexualities. Who is the dreamiest male actor?

Everybody has their go to, Brad Pitt, Clive Owen, relative newcomer Gerard Butler. Me, I typically would answer this question with Hugh Grant. His accent combined with his ability to make up for the awful acts he commits in just about every film make him one of my favorites. If I met him, I might turn into a little girl.

For those who though to themselves, "He's a little girl most of the time," again, well played.

But Hugh Grant is not my true choice for the most charm in an actor. No, I favor American when it comes to my favorite leading male.

Two words; John Cusack.

"The guy from "Better off Dead" and "Con Air"?" you may now be asking yourself. Wow, thats...a weird library of his to pull from, I would say if you had said thought out loud and I was right next to you, but yes, that guy.

This guy has charmed audiences in roles from lecherous, cheating bastard to hired assassin. Fantastically, might I add.

Hell, the disaster porn that is "2012" was only worth seeing because of two witty lines.

Haha, "Gift shop," great stuff.

The only movie where he has honestly dropped the ball is "War, Inc." This film again places him in the shoes of an assassin, but not a very interesting one. Also, spoiler alert, his daughter is revealed to be Hilary Duff, who spends part of the film trying to sleep with him.

Shudder.

So, Hollywood, do yourself a favor. Put Cusack in more things. Post haste.

MY Original Anti-Twilight Article

2009-11-20T13:30:00.001-08:00

What follows is the original Twilight disagreement article that was considered too risque for the Daily Athenaeum.

But not really. There was like one line change, the rest shifted during re-write. Still, not an awful thing.

Why Twilight, and not AIDS, is God’s Punishment to Earth (Banned Headline by Katie G.)

By Jamie Carbone

Normally, if I disagree with something, I let it go on its way without causing much trouble. I will not let this pass for the emotional drivel that is Twilight.

You may say I have not given Twilight a chance.

This is not true.

I got through half of the first book before deciding I’d be a better person if I just stopped reading it. I have never done this with a book before or since.

And it is a whole lot of factors that have led to this. The heroine is essentially a generic woman, interestingly designed to look similar to writer Stephenie Meyer, who seems to have no personality of her own.

Meanwhile, the hero is an immortal vampire who inexplicably attends high school and watches the girl when she sleeps, because it seems that creepy stalkers are hot.

I’d also like to point out that Edward is over 100 years old and Bella is 17. The appropriate age for dating rule is that you are supposed to be divide your age in half and then add 7. Therefore, Bella is at least 40 years away from being age appropriate for Edward.

Plus, Bella doesn’t act like a real person would. In “New Moon” her vampire boyfriend breaks up with her so she hurls herself off of a cliff. I know teenagers are supposed to be dramatic, but honestly, who does that? This girl should be on medication, not hanging with mythical creatures.

The books haven’t even been written well. It is as if Meyer doesn’t have a thesaurus and constantly reuses the same words over and over again. She needs to learn some synonyms; it would at least make her writing less boring to read.

And the plot in the series recycles itself; Meyer doesn’t go anywhere new with her stories. For example, in the first book, generic girl attracts creature of the night, creature of the night falls in love with her and other creatures of the night are killed. In the second book, generic girl attracts creature of the full moon, creature of the full moon falls in love with her and more creatures of the night are killed.

Not to mention the way vampires are done is terrible. These are creatures that have sold their souls to the devil and are punished as such by God to never enjoy the sun. Now, when they enter the light, they sparkle. So here, God’s punishment is instead to look as if someone dipped them in body glitter down at the Man Factory.

Honestly, this might be a worse punishment, but it still doesn’t mean Meyer had any right to essentially neuter what is supposed to be a terrifying monster.

Normally, this is the kind of thing I would let slide. However, Twilight is constantly being thrown in my face and I feel like I must do all in my power to stop it. Edward Cullen cardboard cutouts, Bella Swan candy, it is even on the Burger King bags in the Mountainlair so I cannot enjoy dinner with some friends without being reminded that Twilight exists.

Even if you just like the movies because Rob Pattinson makes you wet, then go watch “Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.” As Cedirc Diggory, Pattinson is a multi-dimensional hero that actually entertains, and he isn’t nearly as pale so, if anything, he is more attractive.

People, do yourself a favor and do not watch “New Moon” when it comes to theatres. The brain cells you lose will not be worth it.

And Gentlemen that are being dragged along by their dates, do yourself a favor and count how many times Kristen Stewart bites her lips in the movie, it will be better then watching the movie itself.

DC, Please Don't Cancel Booster Gold

2009-10-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

Hey DC,

It's me, Jamie. That guy who you probably only know about through the word "art" photos he sends to you.

Well, I'm here to make an impassioned plea.

I love Booster Gold. He's a great character, he's colorful so that he appeals to my inner child and he's jokey and fun while being serious for certain moments. Hell, the Ted Kord arc still gets me when I reread it.

Now, I know not everyone reads it, but maybe you're publishing it wrong. Maybe instead of focusing on all your Batman books, give a little more work to Booster.

Also, the book isn't perfect. Stop using Booster as a super retconner and stop breaking your own rules. If something is fixed in time, like Joker crippling Batgirl, then why can the all the time stealers change the past? Seems...a little ridiculous.

Sure, the time travel stuff is interesting, but it is getting contrived. Maybe switch it around a little, have Rip tell him he needs to hang out in the present and do some stuff there to save the future. Should make for an alright arc.

The backup feature was a good idea, Jamie is a good Blue Beetle and an interesting character in his own right. Maybe you guys should pump up his stories with something interesting, not more of the Black Beetle stuff.

So, yeah. Keep the book going, keep some fresh ideas coming, just don't take away Booster.

Larping is not super ridiculous.

2009-09-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

So, tonight, I had my first experience with Live Action Roleplay.

Honestly? I'm not completely against it. The people who were apart of it seemed to be huge fans of it, and since they are the main audience, isn't that what counts?

Plus, they're some really good people.

I'll be honest, I went into this thing blind, pretty much unaware of what I would be dealing with. Social stinted folk? Maybe a bit, but they were just those that enjoyed a hobby, and that doesn't make them bad people.

Plus, the mechanic they use is kind of fascinating. Vampire wants to fight another vampire? They've got a system, you just need to find the storyteller and figure out how things are going to go down.

Granted, there is only so much you can get in a couple of hours, but I think I got a good feeling for it. Now, not all larps are like this. The group I met with dealt with White Wolf, which has a special system they use, but that isn't a bad thing that will make it any less fascinating to me.

So, ladies and gentlemen, do not judge LARPs since they are people pretending to be other things, that doesn't give them a fair chance. Next time, ask yourself, What would Gary Gygax do?

Also, I am sorry for neglecting this, in the future, I shall kick up the nerd.

G. I. JESUS CHRIST HE JUST STABBED THAT GUY WITH A FORKLIFT

2009-08-08T20:29:00.001-07:00

Well, this past weekend was the release of G.I. Joe, an action film based on Hasbro's toys that may honestly be beaten by a film about Julia Child's cooking. Still, G.I. Joe may be the best action film of the summer.

What we've essentially been given is an episode of the old G.I. Joe cartoon, but with live actors, and characters actually dying all over the place. There's no ridiculous parachute situations here my friends.

Our heroes, Duke, Scarlett, Snake Eyes, they're all pretty much the ones we remember from the good ole days, albeit now they're real people.

The villains, MARS in the film, as Cobra Commander has yet to really take control of his evil empire, are all pretty dynamic in themselves. You learn from most of them why they do what they do, it gives them some depth.

However, there are a few things that detract from the film. Snake Eyes looks completely ridiculous. His mask has an outline for his mouth and it just kind of makes him seem like an unlikeable character. I think whenever he was fighting Storm Shadow, I was rooting for the bad guy.

Another thing is the final look for Destro. While it doesn't get a lot of screen time, it looks like an incomplete CGI model. Honestly, this is one of the things where make-up would've been a better idea instead of special effects.

The sword fights were also somewhat uninspired, although when there were flashbacks, the fights of Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow as children were fantasticly entertaining. I have no idea why that it didn't stay that way.

There were quite a few nods to make the fans happy though, and I liked the little touches. First of all, the way they did Doctor Mindbender was pretty neat, even though he had very little screen time. And Joseph Gordon-Levitt, while once a strange casting decision in my eyes, now seems to have been a pretty brilliant decision. And the death of the Hard Master was left ambigiuous, and I'm sure Storm Shadow will be back to help figure it out in a possibly made sequel.

Also, the characters all seemed to have pretty fantastic chemistry with each other. Nothing seemed weird or out of place, everyone seemed believable with how they acted towards one another. Even the Scarlett-Ripcord storyline wasn't too far-fetched in my eyes.

If you were looking for a fun, popcorn-action movie, GI Joe may be just that for you. Sometimes, you just wanna see a bunch of ninjas go at it.

Funny People are funny

2009-08-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

Judd Apatow's latest film may very well be what he is remembered for when all is said and done. And what a piece to be remembered for. Apatow, Rogen and Sandler have all worked together to knock one out of the park, perhaps the best work of their cumulative careers.

The film focuses on Sandler's George Simmons, a huge comedy star, has been diagnosed with a terminal illness. This causes him to realize all he's missed in life, including love.

Meanwhile, we have Ira Wright, AKA Weiner, an up and coming comic who has yet to find a delivery style that really works for him. A meeting at a comedy club leads him to becoming George's assistant and his only real friend in the world.

Eventually, George realizes that he wants the one that got away. Without giving away spoilers, there is sex, cursing and a bunch of comedians. The last bit is perhaps the best part.

The cameos themselves are the biggest treat of the film, from classic comedians like Paul Reiser and George Wallace to popular names like Sarah Silverman and (shudder) Andy Dick. Even up and comers, like Bo Burnham, are given some love.

My only real complaint about this movie was that it didn't focus on the life of the comedians more. For about 1/4 of the film, the action focuses on George and his old flame, played by Leslie Mann. While it was interesting at first, eventually I would've rather they switched back to the Rogen's antics with his comedian roommates, both fantastic performances by Jonah Hill and Jason Schwartzman.

However, when it comes down to it, the film is a work of dramady genius. Even Eric Bana, typically known as an action star in the US, is given a chance to show of his comic roots, and does it well.

See it, it'll be a treat.

An Impassioned Letter to Jeph Loeb

2009-07-29T18:13:00.000-07:00

Jeph,

You were once a fantastic writer. You're stories about Batman rank up there as being definitive tales, with your characterization of Two-Face being how I will always see the character.

Now, lately, we've all noticed a...lack of quality. At first I thought it was a fluke when I read Ultimates 3 and suddenly Thor was...weird. He didn't speak right. I assumed it was just a change that would make sense in the story. Then Venom showed up, being...not Venom.

Still, as a fan, I picked up the first three issues. Then I realized you had gone insane. Nobody was acting they way they'd been written. Valkyrie, Cap, Pyro being part of the brotherhood? I mean, really? It was like you'd done no research.

Be honest. Did you know that the Ultimate universe is a different one from the mainstream Marvel one? Cause it seems that you'd replaced everyone with their 616 counterparts, only more violent. That was not an improvement.

Ignoring the fact that you ruined the Ultimate Wrecking Crew for now, lets move onto your latest, well, RAPE that is known as Ultimatum.

First, you were killing without discrimination. Dazzler, Nightcrawler, Wasp. It at first seemed that you were just offing mutants. And then you kicked it up a notch with Giant Man, Doctor Strange and had Thor send himself to an alternate dimension to bring back Captain America, whom you also killed.

Really? This is the state of the Ultimate universe? Nobody acts like themselves, and you had Nightcrawler, a guy who teleports, drown. In a movie theatre. Its as if you don't know what people can do.

Is that it Jeph? Are you too lazy to figure out how people are supposed to work?

Thankfully, the last issue of your destruction of the Ultimate Universe came out today. I'll admit, I didn't buy it, just gave it a quick read-through, but, here is the list of people you killed, spoilers people.

Wolverine, maybe
Magneto, definitely
Cyclops, stupidly
Dr. Doom, disturbingly.

Just stop. Do not touch the Marvel Universe anymore. Ultimate or not, you have ruined everything you've touched as of late. And don't get me started on Hulk, you're being a child by making your character stronger then everyone else.

Look. We know you've been through some tough times man, really. I don't think I can even remotely understand the kind of pain you've been through, but take a break. Give yourself some time. Retire if you must, but please, stop ruining things for your own sick pleasure.

I mean my god man, people used to like these characters. Leave the Ultimate universe to Bendis and Millar and go sit in your corner.

Bad Jeph, no cookie.

The Daily Show

2009-07-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

The Daily Show is perhaps Comedy Central's greatest show.

It presents real news in a fake way and is absolutely enjoyable, with Jon Stewart recently being voted the most trusted newsman in a Time poll.

However, as of late, the Show has seemed to have fallen into an awful habit. They've been cutting down interviews and posting the rest of them online. They're, in my opinion, robbing their viewers of what was definitely an interesting interview in an effort to drum up internet traffic.

For example, on tonight's show, July 27, 2009, the featured guest was Bill Kristol. If you've watched Kristol on the show in the past, you'll know he is one of the better guests and him and Stewart have fantastic interviews discussing politics. They may disagree a lot, but what they talk about is truly interesting.

Tonight's episode was full of sloppy edits where the viewer could tell things had been removed. The explanation given was in the form of a pop-up, prompting the viewer to go to The Daily Show's website to watch the full interview, which just doesn't seem fair.

Now, you may be wondering what other bits were kept in the episode while the interview got cut. There were some fantastic jokes about Sarah Palin's resignation speech, as well as a graphic mocking her frequent Twitter usage. It was just fantastic. I'm glad they didn't cut any of it.

However, the did have a bit featuring Jason Jones on site at the resignation. It was lackluster at best. There were a few funny parts of him interviewing Sarah Palin fans, or "Palinites," and then using their own words against them. I'll admit, that part was a treat. However, the rest of it was completely ridiculous.

He heckled the other members of the media there, telling them to leave Sarah Palin alone. If they had simply done it as a one off thing, it would've been alright. However, that wasn't what we got. He constantly screamed at various members, bullied a few of them and then threw something at an NBC affiliate van. None of it was very funny, and it was kind of awkward in a very uncomfortable way.

Its unfortunate that they give Jason Jones so much screen time and sacrifice good interviews for his segments. If it was a John Oliver thing, that would've been great, Oliver may be the best reason to tune in, after Stewart and John Hodgman's sporadic appeareances.

Sure, the reast of the interview can be watched online, but not everyone has the time for that, and some people would just rather not do it. It doesn't seem right to screw a viewer like this.

The real unfortunate thing is that currently, it isn't even online. The Daily Show website currently informs visitors that they should come back tomorrow to find it. So, if you've got a short-term memory, you may not ever see the entire interview.

Sorry Bill Kristol. Even though you and Stewart have awesome talks about the state of politics from two different sides of the spectrum, we don't get to see all of it because Jason Jones would like to be threatened by a cameraman on national televison. Better luck next time.

Disclaimer

2009-07-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

I am a nerd that rants. I do not claim to rant for all nerds, or even some of the nerds. I rant for one nerd; me, and me alone.

My topics will be varied, from popular culture to politics, which are now sadly two different things. Sometimes it may even be the ridiculous, as long as I think it is relevant in some fashion.

My goal is to give people another viewpoint or idea about something in particular, and it may be positive or negative, depending on the situation.

Sometimes I'm properly informed, sometimes I am not.

Lets hope for more of the former instead of the latter.

Enjoy.